Disclaimer for the worried:
I’m sure some friends will be worried that this post is following a post called “My weekend with 8 grams of Mushrooms”. To the friends who are truly worried about my safety, thank you and I’m okay. The reason I’m wanting to experience these drugs stem from a scientific curiosity. As someone who wishes to be an authority on consciousness, I think it is only logical that I experience as many altered states of consciousness as is safe. I’ve many more to go.
A little babbling
Saturday, I ingested 3 tabs of LSD. I did so at 1:10 pm. I had full intentions to note my effects as they arose. My notes were abandoned 93 minutes in. At 2:43 I was documenting how my sense perception was slightly altered, but nothing was significant. As I was trying to explain my lack of affects, shit got cray.
It was time to put the notes away.
I read a quote from Nietzsche thursday were he more or less stated that one should not analyze the experience as it is happening, because doing so ends the experience. I decided that I would allow the day to go as it would instead of trying to steer it.
Setting and mindset, friends. I read Timothy Leary’s “Your Brain is God” as soon as I woke up. Got through a third of the slim book and rolled out of bed. I haggled with my friend to take the LSD first. I am rather selfish of my health, and he cares little for his, so it was an easy agreement. He took one dose, than 30 minutes later 3 doses. He wasn’t vomiting, speaking in tongues, or fighting with elves, so I felt safe to proceed. I went to the frige, unfolded the tinfoil that housed the litte white mints, with a hue of blue stained around them, and popped three in my mouth. (I could see where the acid had dripped off of his mints, and I helped myself to the residue. The accumulated amount of runoff acid was about half the size of one of the mints and it seemed to be mostly chemical, I didn’t disclose this act of thievery to my friend. He will surely read this though. Sorry brolosopher)
As my body and the chemical did that dance they do, I watched the artistic orgasm that is “5 centimeters per second.” By the time the hour long movie had ended, I was unsure what I was feeling. I felt a little weak, like I hadn’t ate. Then I realized, fuck, I hadn’t ate. I went and got a banana, but only finished a 3rd of it. Eating felt strange, like I didn’t need all of it, and to eat all of it was more of a reflex than an innate need.
I started feeling the chemical. Its tempting to say something zingy like, those who have experienced it need no words, and no words will help those who haven’t experienced it, but I’ll try.
About an hour later, I felt a nice peaceful tranquility that centered in my gut. I had a long and deep talk with some friends for 30 minutes. Words seemed to be less meaningless this time than when on the mushrooms. As the talk ended, and I began documenting my lack of visuals, the visuals as if on cue, presented themselves.
Light became the show. We don’t realize it often, but light is interacting with everything we see. Everything. I was starting to become enthralled in the way it refracted from, absorbed into, and was reflected off of everything. It was a fun ride.
I was sitting on my back porch at this point. The weather was dreary, but beauty could still be found. From my back porch, which is atop a slight hill, I could see a lone house maybe 3 miles away. As I fixated on that point, my entire field of vision began warping in a calm and peaceful way. A game began. As soon as the scientist in me began trying to analyze what was happening with my eyes, its wiring, and the interruption of the information by my brain, the illusion would stop. As soon as I would stop trying to break down the moment, the wave/warp continued. This made me laugh.
Some details and about 20 minutes later, I was in a parking lot facing the road, while my friend got some food. Yes, I had entered into a car with a human flesh sac who was experiencing reailty through 4 tabs of LSD. I had my seatbelt on. Safety first.
As I waited, I was seeing something strange with the cars. If I fixed my eyes on a point past the road, the cars began having trails, kinda like the light bikes in Tron. If I however focused on the car and tracked its movement, no trail. I played this game during the eternity he was out getting food.
When we got home, I couldn’t help myself. I had to go for a run. Now, last time I ran on a psychedelic, I destroyed my body. Today was literally the first day I could walk without limping. I proceeded with caution. So naturally, I ran a mile and a half barefoot.
Shoes just didn’t seem like a good idea. I wanted to feel the ground. I ended up making it home limp free and without a staph infection, so I considered it a victory
I think the run got my blood circulating at a new level because this was when the peak experience started. I found myself once again, as I always seem to find myself on psychedelics, laying on my back, stretched on in a 6 foot 3 inched X, staring at the ceiling. Pondering life. This lasted three hours. I could control the visuals. I could control my thoughts.
I thought about all the things that bothered me. There wasn’t much. Last weekend really did something to me. Like a detox. This was like a reintegration. I reestablished my goals, my perspective, and my life.
My main realization is that I crossed a barrier a couple of years ago. I think I could get esoteric really quick but I think the bottom line is that I’ve discovered its possible to step out of my culture. I can’t stay outside of it, but I can visit that mental place where I am detached from it. This is where change can be made. This is where larger patterns can be seen. This is a place I think that sparks those really deep and disturbingly bad trips. When I first got there, I was sober, and it knocked me on my ass. I can hardly imagine the terror some would experience if they broke through that barrier while tripping.
We as a species have set up a game we call civilization. It has rules. The people who make the rules are governed by rules. Knowledge are these rules. Wisdom is learning these rules. Enlightenment is using these rules, or rejecting the game and creating your own rules.
What scares most players of the game, is learning that they don’t have to play. What about the house, and the car, and the job, and the sports, and clothes, and guns, and the toys? The freedom is crushing.
I have many, many, many years of learning to do before I dare give up the game. I think its most logical to learn the rules, become a good enough player to change the game, and leave before it consumes you.
I’m starting to rant. Overall, the trip was pleasant and not overwhelming in the slightest. There were more visuals than mushrooms, but mushrooms seem to be much more emotional and forceful. My ego would like to think that I’m so awesome thats why the LSD didn’t blow my mind, but what is more likely is that I didn’t receive good quality and/or the mints diminished the potency I don’t feel like I’m done. I really am thankful to all of you who read these. I love you. Good luck with the game.