One of our most sensitive areas is the sexual. Pun intended. We’re largely conditioned creatures and one of our deepest ingrained programs is how we frame sex. Most of us, our programming is not in accord with our secreting, pulsating, demanding bodies. A swatch of evolutionary psychological evidence supports the hypothesis that our genetically identical ancestors lived polymorphous lives—for thousands of years. This sexual configuration was not only more socially enjoyable, but was far more socially advantageous.

The tribes that vibed together, thrived together. I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist the trite and rhyming. While the evidence for this dance being ideal is plentiful, and I highly recommend reading Sex at Dawn, the modern conditioned monkey struggles. From the moment our consciousness started flickering on line, we were being conditioned by the idea of ownership. This is our toy. That is my Mom. This is my body.

The idea of ownership is a very recent cognitive program. And the light it gives creates a shadow. The shadow is jealousy. We unconsciously, and for some, consciously, project the idea of ownership onto our sexual partners. In a truly infantile way, we won’t allow our sexual partner to be pleasured by anyone else, and they better not fucking dare pleasure another.

And the conditioning is deep. I’ve been swimming with these ideas for years, and while logically I can see the deep flaws in my infantile restriction of my love and my lover’s love, the body has been conditioned and he cries foul.

While there are ways to undo this conditioning, and I might try deprogramming this one day, that is not the point of this post. The reason for the post is to offer some reassurance. If you are in a relationship, if you love someone, it is absolutely natural for you to feel attracted to others. It is normal to dream about having sex with others, it is normal to masturbate to thoughts of others. We are monkeys. We survived through 300 million years of changing environments and rose to the top of the planet’s food chain, in part because we love to fuck.

As the wise and timeless 2chains preached it;

“I love bad bitches, dats my fucking problem. Yeah, I like to fuck, I got a fucking problem.”

While this is all biologically normal, it is you that gives judgments to the naturalness of your body’s cravings. Most of us aren’t aware that the judgments we cut our bodies with are judgments we were cut with by our parents, who in turn were wounded by their parents. If you don’t want to pass on your self-flagellation to your precious children, you have to fix the faulty program in yourself.

Sex is natural. Sexual attraction to others in natural. Sexual attraction to multiple people is natural. Sexual attraction to multiple people while you are in a monogamous relationship is natural. And while it is natural, you are free and responsible for how you act based on these natural urges. If you are in a monogamous relationship, respect the rules you both have established. But be honest.

It is deep hypocrisy when loved ones lie to each other about their natural sexual nature. Strive to reach a level of openness with your loved one where you both can appreciate genetic fitness when you see it. I’m getting a little preachy. The point of this post is to let you know that you aren’t shameful, you aren’t guilty, you are a monkey and this is natural. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your best friend or relative. Life is fucking wild enough already, it doesn’t need your faulty programming on top of it.

Namaste. I love you.