God damnit am I grateful to have my health back. And I love how my nervous system marshals neurochemicals to produce awe and frission in the base of my brain. I’m fortunate to live in a time where beauty can be digitized and exploded across the world electronically. And I thank Kayne for being Kayne. TLOP has been entrenched in my nervous system — like those rats that can’t stop pressing the cocaine trigger, I can’t stop playing FML.

We are DNA flesh shields born into a sea of buzzing patterns, desperately attempting to grasp life’s patterns quickly enough to pass on our genes before the flesh fails. It is a miracle that in the interim, we may find happiness, enjoy beauty, or create art. We are fascinating little creatures. And one bundle of flesh half of us find ourselves is the “male.” It’s the american male archetype I feel stirred when I listen to FML.

Kayne’s intro reminds me of how I think a man ought to be– loyal to my lover, protector of my family, focus on my life’s mission, and a life long drive to fulfill my vision. I have read a lot of psychology books and this may be the best summary of what the highest qualities are in a successfully functioning man. And its the sadness that follows that cuts to my core when I listen. He affirms he is resonating at this masculine pinnacle and yet, what follows is a story of how petty he can be, with an outro “They don’t want to see me love you.”

The song highlights a contrast with the written word. These books have such a seductive but illusory sense of permanence, that if you only one read these words, and learns these axioms, he will be improved for the rest of his life. But this is not life. We are these verbing, buzzing, cyclical entities. And his song captures this. And I wept the first couple times I really listened to this song. I didn’t cry. I wept.

I devour books. I read dozens a year. They are one of my addictions. And the unconscious hope is that by reading these books, I am soothing wounds, improving faults, preparing for moments in the future when I will be more capable of helping a friend or stranger. And reading can help these things, but they will never heal them. And this song reminds me of this.